If you thought your job was bad...

A couple nights ago we had a knock on our door. We are settling in to our new house so I was excited that perhaps the neighbors were coming over to say hello. I opened the door to two people resembling the White Stripes, and thought it was nice of them to stop by to say hello. I happen to enjoy their music so it didn't bother me they were interrupting my dinner. Before I could get the word "hello" out of my mouth, the male (I'll call him Jack) shoved a clipboard in my face and explained how they are promoting a store opening in our area by giving out free carpet cleanings. He proceeded to flip through the pages of the clipboard with the names of others who had signed up for the service. I realized each name was signed in the same handwriting, (definitely Jack's) but seeing as how our carpet was 30 years old I figured it wouldn't be that bad to get it cleaned. Especially for free. Jack goes on to say he has a woman ready to come in for the job and they will be back in a second, which is when I realized there was a windowless cargo van parked on the street in front of my house. I closed the door, walked into the kitchen where my wife was making dinner and didn't know what exactly to expect. She was worried (shocking, I know) but I knew I could Chuck Norris these people if they got out of hand. It's not every day you can have 30 year old carpet cleaned for free. To make a long story short, the Stripes come back with some older man, because the woman they said had an appointment just come up (sure she did). He looks like the tall skinny guy from the Drew Carey show, just a bit more drugged out. This guy comes into my house, when dinner is getting warm, 8:45 on a Saturday night, trying to sell me a Kirby vacuum. For $2500! He goes through all the accessories, how we won't need to buy any other vacuum for 50 years, even how his mother's obsession with cleaning led him to buy a Kirby years ago. He even vacuums a spot on our carpet, using our vacuum, 104 times. Literally counting to 104 on each push and pull of the vacuum to show us how poorly it worked. After an hour and a half of listening to him go on about this vacuum and its infinite glory (and after giving this man a beer to boot) I had to tell him; "Sorry man, I just can't spend $2500 on a vacuum." You've never seen a more dejected look on a man's face. I could see him wondering why I didn't enjoy vacuuming as much as he did, why I didn't think this Kirby vacuum was the most unbelievable piece of equipment ever to be sold door to door. He offered me payment plans, price reductions, free merchandise...all to try and get me to buy his vacuum. Finally, after being faced with the realization that he had wasted an hour and a half of sales pitch, he started shampooing my carpet (an optional accessory with the Kirby). At this point, I've played my game with Drew Carey Guy. He's cleaned my carpet, and I'm happy to have gotten work done for free. To my dismay, Meg White rings my doorbell! You bitch! Not only are you a poor drummer, but it's after 9 on Saturday night and you're still trying to get me to buy this damn vacuum! She goes on to explain again the reasons we need it, with lines like "You won't even miss $60 a month" or "You spend that much on beer (as I was drinking one at the time) why not on our product?" "Sorry," I said, "but we don't have that kind of money for a vacuum." By 9:30 I was able to get Meg and Drew Carey guy out the door. The silence preceding their exit while Drew Carey guy disassembled the vacuum still resonates in my head to this day. Needless to say, dinner that night was cold, with a hint of "what the hell just happened here?" And no, we do not currently own a Kirby vacuum. I have no plans of vacuuming in the near future.

Resume

Who thought a resume would be the proper way to judge whether someone is qualified to work for their company? I don't understand how this piece of paper is supposed to contain enough information for someone to say "Eh," or "Wow this person would be a great fit." It needs to be short, but somehow explain all your relevant previous experience. It needs to stand out, but too much color doesn't look good (said a previous employer of mine). Somehow we have to condense our entire worklife story onto one side of an 8.5 x 11 inch piece of overpriced paper. So it can be looked at for an average of 7 seconds. It's ridiculous. With all the new technology available now, you would think resume's would have died out. Let's schedule a Skype video call, or let me email you a link to a Youtube video explaining what I'm about. Maybe then employers would be able to see something more than whats on that tiny piece of bitch paper and be able to make better choices in who they hire. It is 2010 right? And we still use resumes??

Coincidence?

After my first night of blogging I feel like a changed man. I tend to have a problem with thoughts stampeding my brain, and earlier that day I was driving home from work thinking about the world when I realized that life is only as good as you want to make it. For example, I'd normally let household responsibilities take a back seat to the rest of my daily schedule, then get frustrated that my home looks like a dump. I would let house frustration build on top of work frustration on top of I don't know where I'm at in my life frustration. Not very healthy. So I decided to be proactive, and positive. Instead of focusing on what was frustrating me when I got home, I took steps to clean up the house and to think about my life in terms of what I have that is good, instead of the bad. It may have been a small step towards proactivity (and my wife will probably agree) but I think it helped. I felt happier than I have in a long time. Then I started to write about it in a blog, which helped get more brain stampeders out. Then this morning I received a phone call asking me to come in for an interview. Coincidence? Probably. But, maybe trying to act and think more positively about life helped other good things happen to me. Who knows? I'm not sure where this will take me, but so far blogging has proven to be intensely interesting.

My First Blog

Today has been a good day. Mainly because I actually started this blog instead of simply saying I'd do it. I tend to be one of those people who says I'll do something, with every intention of doing it at the time. Then, somehow, weeks go by and I can't even remember what it was I said I was going to do. It's like living a life of New Year's resolutions.

But anyway, back to my point: I started a blog, and I feel pretty good about it. I'm not saying I'm better than you or anything like that, in fact I'm saying quite the opposite. I feel good about this because I'm becoming more a person of doing, instead of saying. Now, it's not like I'm making some type of major life-altering change here, don't get me wrong. This is just a small victory, but it's a victory nonetheless. And I think life is a collection of small victories. So, older, unblogging self, I spit at you. I fart in your general direction, and I say good day to you.